Pregnancy — Blog 2 — The Pushover Project

THE VERDICT IS IN: My new gut is not a rosé FUPA from France; it’s not a Swiss cheese fart from Switzerland, or a pasta clot from Italy. As it turns out, our little Eurotrip left our hearts, our bellies, AND my uterus quite full.

Me, sharing pregnancy news at 26:

“OMG, how am I gonna wait until *tWeLvE WeEkS* to tell everyone - I’m so excited (and young and dumb and well-rested and blissfully ignorant)?!”

Me, sharing pregnancy news at 30, during Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month:

“Oh but...”

… how am I gonna tell people when I know now? I can’t begin to understand, but I know.

I know announcements like this can cause sadness to those squinting their eyes, waiting for two lines to materialize.

I know that pictures like these can contribute to feelings of frustration for those eagerly awaiting The Call that tells them that their baby - the one they’ve been waiting for - is almost in their arms.

I know that smiles like these (about this) might poke and prod at the pain of unfulfilled dreams for those that have suffered a loss, no matter how early, how unfairly, or how long ago.

I know that announcements like this are emotional landmines to those that are tiptoeing around their own grief for the circumstances that won’t allow for the family they envision.

I know these things.

And yet I still don’t know the right thing to say to be sensitive to these huge feelings without feeling like I’m hugely short-changing our little doodle the happiness and joy they sowed in us.

I just don’t know.

Sometimes I simply don’t have the right words, maybe because I’m not wise enough or maybe because there aren’t any. But one of the wisest guys of all time said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that...”

So, I guess, what I’m trying to say is:

“This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.”

Your light is coming. Don’t give up.

To our little baby cub

Your sister tiger is so excited to meet you, fiercely protect you, and lead you. She has your crib made up with a soft blanket and her favorite bunny “Bun-Bun.” She’s personally tested every single one of her old pacifiers to make sure they’ve met all quality control standards for your arrival. She’s pushing the stroller around the house in preparation for her role as your best friend in the entire universe. She wants to name you after Daddy’s identical twin and can’t wait to teach you to fish (even though she’s never been fishing herself). She has graciously offered to change your diapers and give you baths and she’s very excited to find out if “Jesus picked a baby brother or a baby sister for us.”

I intentionally waited for the right time to bring you into our family for a reason, I just had no idea my reason would be this freaking excited. It’s really damn cool. We love you like crazy already, baby. April 2nd, 2020 can’t come soon enough.

Love,

Mom/Mama/Mommy/Babe/Honey/Kara (as known by your big sister)

How Do I say This?