When You're Not the Baby Anymore

A letter to my first baby, as we prepare for the arrival of our last baby.

To the soon-to-be Big of our soon-to-be Little,

When you’re not the baby anymore, not just to Daddy and Mommy but to your Uncles and Aunts and Grandmas and Grandpa, some things might change. At first, they may seem odd to you, or funny, or annoying. Things will probably feel that way for me, too – because for the first time as a mom, my heart will live outside my body times two. The orbit I take - around you, always, my sun – might wobble with one more heavenly body pulling me. And for you, feeling your world shift might shake your secure footing because…

When you’re not the baby anymore, your feet may spend more time on the ground than they do wrapped and locked around my waist.

But, with that, your legs will grow stronger as you eventually march confidently down your own chosen path.

When you’re not the baby anymore, your lap-perched, three-book minimum bedtime story routine might have to relocate to my side as I nurse your new little brother or sister.

But, with that, you’ll soon learn to read and will eventually have your own lap-sitter – at first, in the form of your sibling, then later (MUCH later), maybe a child of your own.

When you’re not the baby anymore, your sleep, your movies, and your stories might be interrupted by the sound of crying. This will frustrate you and me alike, so just know that we’re in it together.

But, with that, your laughter will be joined by an echoing chorus in a higher pitch as you discover the joy of having a shared joke with a sibling – maybe even at the expense of your totally embarrassing parents.

When you’re not the baby anymore, Mom and Dad may place unfair expectations on you as the “Bigger Kid,” and we may need reminders that you’re still little and you might still have little kid moments and little kid needs.

But, with that, your independence will fortify as you find yourself learning to figure things out for yourself – taking great pride in the moments that you realize that you didn’t need help after all.

When you’re not the baby anymore, your bathwater might get lower – and colder – and more cramped – as you now share the space with another little fishy.

But, with that, the waves of your childhood will splash across the edges of your imagination as your new bathing buddy rides the wake of your creativity.

When you’re not the baby anymore, you may have to shout “Mama! Dada! WATCH!” a little louder and lot more often before we turn our attention towards your twirling, kicking, leaping dance move.

But, with that, two smaller, shorter legs will do their best to mirror the mastery of your move and you will delight in teaching them and encouraging them to try again…. Igniting in you the feelings of pride associated with someone respecting your skills or knowledge. That’s a good feeling, baby. It’s okay to chase that feeling. But, never depend on someone else to validate your worth.

When you’re not the baby anymore, our “family hugs” might be a bit more crowded. Your face’s place between ours might, for you, feel less grounded without the bookends of your parents’ cheeks balanced evenly on either side of yours.

But, with that, I can tell you this: With that extra face in our love huddle, our team will feel so much more complete and you will thrive with a forever friend and someone to lean on when life feels heavy – especially when Mom and Dad aren’t around anymore someday a very, very long time from now.

When you’re not the baby anymore, your main mode of transportation might not occur in three-foot leaps launched by the hands of your favorite people in the world. Instead, there might be another, smaller hand in yours that you must hold tightly onto.

But, with that, you will learn what it’s like to lead instead of follow. You will yank gently when the small hand pulls towards a busy street, you will initiate a squeeze and smile when the small hand squeezes back. You’ll learn to guide those under your charge with respect and kindness – and this will make you a badass boss someday, so practice it earnestly.

When you’re not the baby anymore, there will be another set of eyes fixated on you, watching your every move, adoring you and thinking you hung the moon. The peering eyes will be smaller, but they will be even more desperate to rest upon you than the ones you’ve had trained your way since the day you were born. It’s because of this that…

When you’re not the baby anymore, you might be tasked with setting a good example, even when you’d rather not.

But, with this, you’ll learn that sometimes doing the hard thing and doing the right thing are often the same. This lesson will serve you well, and it’s important to remember to do the right thing even when no one’s looking – because that’s the difference between pageantry and integrity.

When you’re not the baby anymore, our whole family won’t fit on the trio of seats on one side of the airplane and you may be asked to choose between Mommy and Daddy. We know this is hard and it makes you anxious to do things you think will hurt people’s feelings, so we may choose for you.

But, with this, you’ll learn to be adaptable, and also that pleasing everybody is not always possible – or recommended. So show yourself some grace and allow yourself the opportunity to say “no,” especially when your gut tells you to.

When you’re not the baby anymore, you might find that your parents are resorting to man-to-man coverage of you instead of the usual double-teaming. For this reason, we both might not make it to every soccer practice, swim lesson, tumbling class, or recital.

But, with this, know that we both want to be at every thing, all the time, and we will do our best to make sure you always feel supported, treasured, and loved beyond measure. It’s important to be proud of yourself without words of affirmation from others. It’s possible to know you’re good at something without having someone there to cheer you on. Sometimes, your big wins might happen without an audience. Be your own biggest fan and never stop believing in yourself.

When you’re not “the” baby anymore, you’ll still always be our baby. We love you so much it hurts. Never forget that.

Love,

Mom

A letter to my first baby, as we prepare for the arrival of our last baby.

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